Three is not a crowd
by Checkmate 24601
Summary: Mahana Natsui has a theory about her friend Orihime and those two suspicious transfer students, a white-haired, steely teal-eyed male student and the tall blonde bombshell, who are living with her. A belatedly awkward misunderstanding, and French is indeed the language of love...among other things.


**A/N **A mad idea of the author's has now spun itself onto the page…read on if you dare.

(It is not to be taken seriously; it is merely a possible outsider's view on the physical similarity of Orihime and Rangiku and their shared living arrangement with a certain midget captain during the battle preparation period before the Winter War.)

NB. Mahana Natsui is a character in Bleach. She is one of Orihime's classmates, and during the episode where she, Orihime, Tatsuki and a bunch of girls have lunch with Rukia, she is the one who asks the latter if she has any romantic feelings for Ichigo.

**Three is not a crowd **

The arrival of the new bunch of transfer students was … odd.

'_And that's the most polite understatement of the year,' _Mahana Natsui thinks silently, worrying her bottom lip as she contemplates her classmate Orihime, another female student of tall stature with flowing yellow hair _and wears her uniform opened even more daringly than Mahana_, and a short white-haired male student, who, while listening to the droning teacher, looked more like he was a having death staring contest with the blackboard.

There is something about those two new students in their class that Mahana can't quite place her finger on. Perhaps she is overreacting but the rest of their new arrivals group _and they always kept mainly to themselves except for interacting occasionally with Ichigo or Orihime _are really eccentric.

_Who carries a bokken in this day and age, and refuses to part with it even during lessons? _

_What kind of fashion is it in Tokyo or elsewhere that encourages males to wear feathers on their eyelids? _

Here Mahana briefly looks skyward, only to be faced with the classroom ceiling, as she twirls her curly brown hair. _'I wonder if they're attached just like fake eyelashes…'_

_And let's not forget that strange, hippy-clothed, red-haired, tattooed guy who barged into their classroom, pestering Ichigo, and apparently later got involved (according to Chizuru) in some heavy petting/tackle 'boy love' session with Ichigo outside the classroom door on the floor! _

And to Mahana's growing amazement, both Ryo Kunieda and Michiru Ogawa affirmed that the white-haired boy and the heavily endowed blonde were seen entering Orihime's apartment after school and exited only in the morning for class (though the transfer students' attendance record is hardly consistent _not that Ochi Sensei tells them off for it_.)

Well, she has always been critiqued by her friends as being overly curious and twice as blunt in her questions, but Mahana _honestly _has a theory that she wants to find out whether or not it's true.

_And who better to ask than straight from the horse's mouth? _As she approached the two students who were waiting for Orihime at the schoolgate, she briefly caught snippets of their intense discussion.

"…What do you think?… We could try… It'd make it safer …also better strategic positioning…"

"_Not _here in public, Matsumoto!"

_Oh Kami, she was right! _Mahana thought as she hurried towards the pair with dread and morbid fascination building up in her gut. _It would explain why the two of them were so protective of Orihime, always escorting her to school and back as often as they can. Is Orihime consenting to this…relationship with them? Surely, her classmate is not into _that _kind of … well, maybe she got tired of waiting for Kurosaki Ichigo? If you took into account that boy-boy interaction if Chizuru is accurate – _

"Is there something you need?"

Mahana blinked dumbly before realizing that she has already reached the two transfer students, who have noticed her presence, and the shorter one was staring with bland indifference at her. He was the one who asked her the question.

"Umm…I'm Orihime's friend Mahana Natsui…"

A white brow arched over teal eyes, silently asking _your point being…_

Noticing the male's antipathy, the taller female gave a merry laugh before saying, "_Yoroshiku. _I am Rangiku Matsumoto and this is my cap- cousin, _cousin _Hitsugaya Toushirou."

Mahana looks dubiously at Rangiku and gives a once-over of Hitsugaya. "Cousin? You two don't look very alike."

Rangiku chuckles nervously, giving a negligent wave of her hand. _Her captain is definitely going to have her head for this. Or at least give her a heavy telling-off afterwards. _

"In fact," Mahana continues, "you look more like an older sister of Orihime's rather than-"

"Ah sorry! I meant that I'm a distant cousin of Orihime's. He's…uh…uh…my uh…"

Mahana noted that 'Toushiro' did not look pleased as he glared upwards at 'Rangiku'. His glare is not very effective though _Rangiku seems immune to it _and probably because his line of sight is blocked by his Lieutenant's breasts.

Hitsugaya is _not _happy at Matsumoto's bluffing and the current situation. She had nearly leaked out their Soul Society status, and she ought to have known better than to talk about Hollows and patrol duty when there are so many humans around. The approach of a female student in normal Karakura high school uniform, except for the greater number of buttons unbuttoned on her shirt, had his level of wariness spiking.

"Matsumoto is a distant cousin of Inoue's. … And I'm just a friend of hers. … The both of them," Hitsugaya snapped as the human girl continued to look askance at him and his lieutenant.

"Just…cousins and friends? I heard that the both of you are living with Orihime."

Hitsugaya gritted his teeth, desperately trying not to give into the urge to pull at his hair out of frustration.

"Inoue has been very kind to put up with us during the little time we are in Karakura," he tersely responded. Noticing the approach of Orihime's reiatsu, the wielder of Hyourinmaru breathed out a sigh of relief. "Now if you'll excuse us-"

"All of you are not…"

Two pairs of bemused eyes looked at Mahana.

Rangiku questioned kindly, "Are not what?"

Mahana took a deep breath but faltered _saying it was so embarrassing_. "Together?"

Hitsugaya is blatantly confused. "The three of us are living together _temporarily_."

"No! I mean…" Mahana took her courage in both hands and said, "Are you three together as in a _ménage a trois_?"

_Has the girl gone mad?_

Looking at his lieutenant, even Hitsugaya noted that Rangiku seemed perplexed.

"What's a men…ménage?" Rangiku tries to emulate the foreign pronunciation. Spying Orihime's near approach, Mahana hissed in departure as she took off towards the bus stop, "Ask Orihime. _Oh, _and you better treat her _well_."

"What was that about?" Toushiro asked, as he quirked a brow at the quick retreat of the human.

"Hiya Toushiro-kun, Rangiku-san!" came a chirpy greeting from behind the both of them.

"Yo."

"Ah, Orihime-chaaaaaaan!" as Rangiku reached forward to tightly grasp the younger girl in a crushing hug.

"Matsumoto, she can't breath."

"Huh, huh, huh, I'm…okay, Toushiro-kun…haha."

The strange conversation with Mahana Natsui was forgotten.

Until dinnertime.

(Toushirou actually agreed to eat dinner with the girls tonight because Inoue had promised to 'neutralise' her cooking for his taste buds.)

Rangiku never forgot that strange term Orihime's classmate had used. And thus, new conversation is initiated, "Orihime-chan, your classmate came up to talk with us today."

Tapping her chopsticks against her lips, Orihime briefly thought before smiling in recognition. "Oh that's Mahana-chan. I was wondering what you were talking about."

"Well, she used this very strange term that I've never heard of before."

"What was it?" Orihime asked in innocent curiousity as she helped herself to spicy salmon flakes on mashed eggplants on rice under Hitsugaya's incredulous – and slightly nauseated – gaze at the combination.

Raising the delicious mouthful to her lips, Orihime bit into her concoction just as the innocent question "What is a ménage a trois?" rang out.

Naturally, the two Soul Society inhabitants were alarmed when their human hostess started coughing and sputtering, dropping her rice bowl onto the table. Clearly, dinner has gone down the wrong pipe as Orihime turned red from coughing.

Hitsugaya grabbed a cup of green tea, cooling the drink with the natural ice in his reiatsu as he gave it to a struggling Orihime. Rangiku gently rubbed her hand up and down Orihime's spine, cooing murmurs of 'there, there' and other half-finished comforting endearments as Orihime regained her natural colouring…which soon darkened to a pink as she gazed at her companions shyly.

"Mahana-chan actually asked you that?"

"I'm guessing that it's … inappropriate?" Hitsugaya asked, though he too is internally surprised by Orihime's reaction.

"A ménage a trois is … is when…" Orihime's hands fluttered like two electrocuted birds heaving spasms on the pavement.

"You don't have to explain – "

"But Captain, _I _want to know what it means," whined Rangiku with a pout.

"It's when three people are in a relationship together… a … a… sexually active relationship," Orihime squeaked the last few hurried words as she buried her scarlet face in her hands.

As the words sank in, Hitsugaya followed suit but his face went through the whole spectrum of different shades of red, including some which are not in the international colour code wheel.

As for Rangiku, she thoughtly pursed her lips before saying in a weather forecast-like observation, "Well, I suppose that _is _possible."

A loud indignant reprimand of "MATSUMOTO!" rang out in Karakura that night.

…

And far away, Mahana shivered as she contemplated whether she should ask Orihime to tell her companions to be quieter in their triunity.

**A/N **HAHAHAHAHA! Just a funny friendship one-shot of Orihime, Rangiku and Toushirou. XD

And what do you think of this little misinterpretation? Is it possible or could have happened? Review please, I would like to know your opinions, readers-_tachi_!


End file.
